Monday, July 20, 2009

A Confession: To the Woman I First Loved

Four years have passed by and I can’t still forget her, and I know in my heart, I will never ever forget her. Mad as it may seem to others but I still want her back. I love her...

Well, I met her in such a crazy manner. I met her this way…

On the early morning of September (or was it late night?), with her ivory-like face, full of sweat, smiling and crying at the same time, I got the chance to see her. It was a vague memory for me though. She hugged me so tight. It was so insane that I can’t stop my tears too! We were crying at the same time but for different reasons. And that day was the christening of our love for each other.

We grew up and took care of each other and her love for me grew deeper with every passing day. She always showed her love to me but I just shrugged her off like an acquaintance. Yet, she didn’t get tired of loving me. In my mind, I have Isabelle among others.

She got jealous of them at times, nagging me about not giving her that much time I gave to others. She would annoy me to death about the same issues again and again. It was the painful part in our so called relationship. But I have to admit, I got jealous at times too. And that was when I realized that I really do love her.

We shared stories and a lot of experiences. She’s always there when it was my time to get an award from school. I also visited her on school days, but it was so rare. It was fun.

One of the things that made my highs school years fun, great, and memorable was because of her. She consoled me at my worst times and smiled at my joyous days. I know she was proud of me then. And I can feel her undying love for me.

But on my last year in high school, she left me. And I know for sure, I’m not going to see her, forever. I cried on the nights I thought she would be with me—on my graduation day, on her birthday, on my father’s birthday, and on our anniversary together. It was so painful that I chose not to remember its details.

I ask for her forgiveness but she can’t hear me anymore. She’s on that bitter, cemented, rectangular coffin, with the entire fleet of worms eating her up—cold and dead.

It was a tragic death; a tragic loss.

“I’m sorry mom. I miss you so much that I want to trade my life for you. See you in the next phase of our human existence. I love you.”

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