Friday, September 11, 2009

The Way I Am

I’m currently reading Journey, a novel by Danielle Steel when some disturbing facts made me think how women are badly treated most of the time. Of course, we can’t deny the fact that gender bias is still at work. A lot of us women are being reprimanded just because we are too damn fragile to do it ourselves. Yeah, maybe so, but I am not for it.

We heard a lot of non-profit organizations that dwell on this thing better than this blog are doing. We have Gabriela and the women’s desk in business. We have attorney’s that could help abused women to stand on their feet.
I realized from the novel how abusive behavior can be that lethal. I knew then that there are two types of abuse one can get—physical or the classic one, and mental or the well kept make-believe lie. I was never going to write this thing off but I insanely had this urge to do it as I was a victim myself.

I started as little girl with big dreams and in one way or another, I tried to make things miserable for others—moody attitude. And as I grew up, I was made to believe that I was an awful, bad kid. Well, I know I am at some point in my life. I wouldn’t deny the fact that I had this attitude to say things tactlessly.

In everything I do, be it a small and uneventful one, I tried to do my best but I simply couldn’t understand why some people belittle me about it. I was thinking that maybe they are jealous but are they? They are good themselves, maybe even better than me. I tried to lick my wounds in silence but I certainly couldn’t do it after succeeding confrontation.

I know I don’t have the face of a beauty queen, neither the heart of an angel. I don’t have the mind of a genius or even the body of a super model. But I still have the heart of a kid. A heart that is still capable of being hurt.

One can never be perfect I know, I just hope that others would not spat it to your face as something as gruesome as a smelly dung. Simple mistakes such not making it to the level of a pro English composer isn’t so bad I guess. Demean me in every possible way you could do. After all, I’m just Jenny, the kid from God knows where. How’s that for the attention you’re giving me?

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