Monday, December 21, 2009

That very day

I am not going to talk to you unless there’s a need for me to do so.

That was my motto for almost a year now. I don’t have that much bravery in me to talk and sit with you for just a minute or two. I see embarrassment. Did you know that I wanted to be your friend? I admire your beautiful face, your jolly personality and your sparkling smile that makes everyone glow as well… Things just got a little off the hook. And now I don’t know how to say hi to you, even to ask for a simple candy from your pocket seems like a wistful thing to do.

There were times that I can feel the warmth you are channeling from your chakras. But there were also times that I see it as a menacing mock. But my reason tells me that you are holy as an angel could be. I always see you smile, that warmth smile and made me think how lucky I am to be able to talk to you even for just an instant. I truly admire you.

But boundaries and certain happenings made it uneasy for both of us to talk, for a few seconds even. I know you are the goody good person. And I commend you for the warm attention you gave me. I was touched by your letter. And that word made me smile (Starts with the letter p and ends with the letter i).

You might probably see me looking at you. I know you have noticed that too. But I can’t help it. I see you as my jolly companion. I have learned that I can thank you even though you will never know it is directed to you from me. I used to feel the same way you felt every time you remember those days, hurtful, yes. I tried to scratch it from my head. But like the temptation everybody gets, I see you. And I see some other figure that silhouettes my horizon. I even dreamt about you. And I was crying when I woke up.

Thank you for keeping it safe. Thank you for letting it be known. And thank you for all your consideration. I can never be the good companion to you seek to have, but I can always be that girl you once robbed from darkness and mortification.

I felt it too. It’s not just about you and you alone. It’s about the feelings we both felt when it happened. You will read this. I see that as a possibility. Assume all you want. But I will never tell. Thank you for being my co-league for four years now. And by the way, I have a crush on you. Well, everyone does.

I cannot thank you enough. I hope to talk to you, maybe in our reunion. Soon. Would that be too soon to spill the beans? I hope not.

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