Tuesday, January 19, 2010


Death is inevitable. It is ubiquitous. And we can never say that money has the power to save us from that end, nor the goodness of one’s soul.

I recently watched the movie Law Abiding Citizen and was disturbed by what I saw. It seems to me that the movie was all about killing people. Though it rooted from the barbaric death of the wife and daughter of Clyde Shelton, it then became a chain of vengeance after 10 years of idleness and preparation. It was gruesome and unthinkable. And all that was left was for me to keep watching, covering my eyes on certain scenes.

The killing of people in that movie made me think how death can consume one’s own life. More than once, I experienced death in my family. It was an obscene incident that still haunts me. And just as I think how certain things happen because God has a purpose on it, it made me confused all the more.

I shudder to think how Death will knock one day in my doorstep saying, “Hey Jen, it’s time.” Or will I know automatically that it’s him knocking? The more I think about things like that, the more that the experience becomes so real.

One thing that I have learned during the 20 years of my existence was the pain that is attached to it. How can I smile and celebrate my birthday when the chance of seeing and spending time with my loved ones is now in jeopardy? The more I age, the less time I have to be with them. I don’t know when, I don’t know how, I don’t know where. But sooner or later, they or I will die.

I’m not really concerned about dying. I am a sinner. And I don’t mind spending my next life in hell. Yes, I imagined life with God in the Promise Land. But what can I do if am doomed to be there? I already accepted it. The thing that bothers me though is the way how I will die. I never wanted my limbs to be cut, no, not that way. I did not imagine that kind of death, never. Tell you what, I wanted to die in just a flick. If I’ll be shot, then let me die in an instant. Let me die in my bed while sleeping. Let a death-row-liquid consume me. I don’t mind at all. But since I am one of the worse sinner, then maybe I will die in the most painful way.

The future that I am planning all my life is faltering. I get to plan the details of my graduation, my first job, my husband, my kids, my grandchildren, and my future friends—all in my head. Not knowing which one will be done, which one will not. As a matter of fact, Death can sometimes take most of my time thinking.

In my weirdest days, I even did a voice recording before going to bed and saying how thankful I am to meet my friends and would tell there that I love my family so much. It was a stupid thing to do I know. But we will never know.

One of my friends doesn’t want Death to be in the topic in any of our conversations. So I asked him why. He never gave me a concrete answer except that he doesn’t want to think about things like Death. But, it will always be there, waiting. We can never escape it as what I’ve said above, it is inevitable. No one can stop it from happening.

Recent happenings in Haiti made me imagine what were they thinking when a massive roof was falling on top of their very head? Was it “Is this really happening?”; “Help!” or just zip, end, fin? Let us offer a minute of silence for their souls…

[A minute I say.]

Let us keep praying and may they rest in peace.


  1. Jenny, something you say here really grabbed my attention:

    "I’m not really concerned about dying. I am a sinner. And I don’t mind spending my next life in hell. Yes, I imagined life with God in the Promise Land. But what can I do if am doomed to be there? I already accepted it. "

    If you don't mind my asking:
    * Why do you believe you are destined for hell?
    * Do you think there is anything you can do so that you do not have to have that afterlife?

  2. well, things are a little blurry for me on that part..i just assumed. In my religion's perspective, one must do good to be with God after everything ends. But on the other religion's perspective where I used to attend, we are all saved and it is on us to repay Him by doing good things why we are still here. So, i assumed that I'm going to hell...Was i wrong?

    I guess so..Yes, there is..

  3. hello dear if you dont mind i want to hug u tight right now,i either dont know why people so afraid of even talking about death,Death is realty bigger then life,to get away from the fear of it is best way to face it closely i am lucky that i witness the last good by of my grand maa the day she was daying she took a bath put her bed the wide front yard and called her whole family i watched her till her last breath and the strange peace i saw on her face was undefinable,i wish that may god let me die this way,and dear disappointing from the mercy of god is unforgivable sin so stay in love and with hope that he is thousand time more loves us then our mother

  4. Jenny

    To me the down sides of death would be:
    Not being able to be there for my children or husband or friends.
    If I died in some terrible, painful way.
    Neither of these are the most pleasant of thoughts. But I think Bali is right in that death is a part of life.

    Your comments about what one must do to be good with God bring a scripture to my mind from Titus 3:5-8:
    "He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit,whom He poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior,so that being justified by His grace we would be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life. This is a trustworthy statement; and concerning these things I want you to speak confidently, so that those who have believed God will be careful to engage in good deeds. These things are good and profitable for men."

    When I look at that scripture I see that right standing with God is given to me based on my receiving what Jesus did on the cross when He died in my place - not on the basis of me acting good enough. Then in the end of this passage of Bible verses, I read that it is profitable for me to do good deeds.

    This same thought is seen in many places in scripture; just to point to one more (so I don't end up here preaching on YOUR blog!)you can look at Romans 10:9-11:
    "That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame."

    Again I see the Bible talking about our right standing with God being because of our faith in Jesus and His death in our place on the cross and choosing to follow after Jesus - not on the basis of our acting good enough.

  5. Hi Jenny. Well, you are an amazing writer. But, I couldn't digest you saying you would go to Hell. I totally agree with Tracy on that.
    God is always watching our actions. He knows when we do good and when not. My Grandmother used to say - "God is always looking forward to kindness in your heart and thinking. Even though you can't afford a piece of bread, just the thought of feeding 100 people when you become rich is kind enough." God will make sure that you are rich enough to feed those people and yourself just for that thought. Just believe in God as one and pray!
    God has always wanted everyone to be with him. That is the only reason why he even sent us down to the Earth. It is we who decide which path to take when we are on our way to God!
    Have a nice day!:)

  6. I really hope that I will be saved. :D thanks for enlightening my views on Death and the life after that.

    As long as I believe in him, then all things should follow..


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