Just a few hours before January 15, we had a talk. It was a nonchalant conversation over the phone. I asked her how things are running now. I don’t think how I got the courage to ask her those things. Maybe because it was the first conversation we had for almost a month now. Or was it because she doesn't want to reach out? I simply do not know.
The more I think about how we are so focused on our own lives, the more I realized how far we are from each other. I’m her opposite, although not quite. But certain things such as the clothes we wear to the way we talk make me see how big our differences were. It is inevitable to see us falling apart. But that happened in much later years.
For some reason, I hated you. Not knowing why, I continue to hate you…until today. I’ve heard that story several times before and I’ve heard how they acted on you but I wasn’t there in the first place. Moreover, before I can say a single word, you hushed me away as well. And for me, that was really unfair. You should’ve asked me. You should’ve talked it out on me. But you didn’t. And that’s what makes the parting so painful.
I couldn’t say “I know how you feel” because no one can know how you feel exactly but you yourself. Hence, I want you to know that I care. And that I am here for you no matter how things get rocky for you and for them or for him. I can never be your perfect companion but I can be the best, and I'm real.
It was more painful as the days gone by since I started hearing stories from you based on what people saw. I can say no more but the line that makes may face goes from warm to casual: Oh, is that so? How can I say “I’m happy for you” when I never even get the chance to hear it from you? Although you need not to tell me things about your personal life—is there such thing as personal when we are close to changing our faces by the amount of time we spent together before?
If you asked me if I am relieved, I would say yes and very. For about a year, I kept my silence. And I respected how you view things. I hope we all learned our lessons. Welcome. Even though you’ve skipped chapters in my life, I’m glad to have you back. :)