Saturday, March 27, 2010


Designer: Majeed Mocamad

For more than 15 years, I have been commanded to be in school. I was somehow forced to study and do good in all the subjects that I took since my parents do not want to have a poor headed kid, at least that's how I view things. And to give credit to the motivation my mother gave me (may she rest in peace), I reaped school awards (elementary and high school days) so to speak.

I worked hard to gain those honours and awards. It even came to the point that I drank energy drinks to stay put during those nights that I needed to study my lessons extensively. Yet, failures can never be avoided.

Failures are part of the evidence that we are just humans-erring humans. And although I am very much aware of this fact, I continue to blame myself sometimes for the failures that I encountered. Such is my weakness. I am afraid to be in the losing end that I secure myself above others. One thing that amuses me though is that when things don't go on my comrades way, I'll try to make remedies for them no matter how degrading that remedy is for me. I am selfish yet selfless (sometimes) at the same time. * laughs =))

Saturday, March 13, 2010

"The feeling of a throbbing and pierced heart then consumed me"

Although my previous posts talks about how sure I am to graduate, there was still that pang of anxiety that haunts me. And that anxiety was the reason why I’m writing here.

The feeling of graduation is sooo great that to think of its extreme opposite is so painful. We had our first assembly around 4 in the afternoon and I came to think of those times that I nearly lose hope because of my low grades. And to finally know that you did fine with that subject is truly rewarding.

As quick as the happiness of passing came, the feeling of a throbbing and pierced heart then consumed me. The surroundings became gloomy and all I could think was that piece of paper—that paper that acts as the parcel of our future. And it made me sad knowing that the initial grade (I’m claiming that there will still be a change) was a bit off from what I expect from the class.

I am not happy. I feel so down that the idea of graduating isn’t that appealing anymore. But I still believe that Father will be touch by some sort of a holy spirit so that his mind will change. I KNOW HE WILL.

I will never stop hoping and praying and BELIEVING that you can graduate friend :D I believe it. Hope you will too.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Key Teachers

For more than 15 years now, I have been waiting for this moment to come. Half of my life was spent just so I can reach this. But what else do I need to do before I go and build my future? Although it’s not official yet (and I am claiming this to happen! :D), I am proclaiming to the whole world that yes, I will be graduating. I am expecting at least =))

As suggested by this post’s title, I am about to thank a lot of teachers. Not just because they let me pass the subject but because they have been outright funny, intelligent, caring (some of them though), and because they lead me to the way of success :D I am thanking them because I know that with all those unending lectures and long equations, they have been a part of who I am today; a cliché yet so true.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

I miss reading books

The more I think how far long I’ve missed reading them, the more I become frustrated. :( In fact, these past few days, no weeks, I’ve been spending my time in front of a computer: surfing, commenting on someone else social page, etc. But as the end of my college life nears, I became sad knowing that I can’t go to the library with just a few walks from our division floor. The last time I shop for books was last September of 2009. I really hope that I could buy a new one this time month.

Actually, I have a book, an e-book about vampire diaries. I never had a chance to open it. Kid gave it to me so that she can share what she thinks about the characters since no one’s been reading it. :P I’m planning to do a LOT of things but it seems like I need to do those and that things that I ended up doing nothing about my reading habits. I wish I could organize my life.

Friday, March 5, 2010

The Most Tedious Week

This week’s grievous attempt to escape the reality of failing and the notion of parting with my friends somehow made my mind preoccupied for the time being. As most of my fellow graduating students would know, this week is the key to marching. Passing this week’s exams will truly be the deciding factor to those who have battled with their teachers for four years now, some even five, others are on their sixth.

Projects also have their own way of stealing someone else’s sanity. For this week, I was lucky to get a 5 hour straight of sleep. Most of the time, we slept alternately so that the other can do the balancing stuffs—in our business financials—and others can get their nap. Just nap. Luckily, for our group, we only had 2 minor revisions. Projects don’t end there since we have to defend other subject’s requirements. It was some sort of a zombie week for us—stressful, really.

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