Thursday, July 21, 2011

What it feels like to be powerful: The revelation of a former bully

I always go to school strutting as if I own the place. I feel proud. And why shouldn’t I be? Those kids, those grubby kids that try to befriend me are nothing, nothing compared to me. I live in this big house with a car and they live on those nasty little cottages. I could make them my slaves. I could buy them if I wanted to. I could even buy their WHOLE family.

I have friends that I wouldn’t be ashamed to call as such. They have cool stuffs, pretty dresses, and gorgeous everything. The way they live was much more similar to mine. And I like them because well, they’re rich, like me. And although I have those cool friends, I admit that I still need those low class fools. Who would buy my food? Who would carry my bag if I get tired? They pretty useful I admit so I let them accompany me from time to time. No big deal as long as they do the things that I want them to do.

One of the things that irritate me the most is when my little minions wouldn’t execute my orders. They are, in my opinion, lucky to be even talking to me. One day, my friend and I were playing in our house. I can’t remember why but she annoyed me so much that I decided to throw her out of the house. For some reason, she hesitated to go so I pushed her. That was mean I know, but she deserves it. Finally, after shoving her out for a couple of minutes, she decided to go. But she stayed outside our house-lurking just beside the screen door. And that irritated me the most. Can’t she understand a simple instruction? Abruptly as it happened, I opened the door, pulled and pushed her school uniform (a jumper skirt) at the same time, and shouted to go away. I was really mad like a devil. I could vividly remember it. Naturally, she cried and still didn’t go away. Maybe she was shocked to be treated that way and I was shocked as well to do that to her too.

We stayed friends and I continued to abuse her childhood. For me it was my usual inclination when I get mad at her and stupid to stay with me. And although she’s not my ideal friend at that time, I would always invite her to play and it was easy since were neighbors. See, I’m a good friend. One of my invitation happened one afternoon. I was bored so I asked her to come with me and play with our other neighbors. I wasn’t quite sure if she’d leave their house since her father told her not to. She said to me that she can’t because no one will look out for their house if she’ll leave. But I persuaded her and she agreed. After playing for a couple of hours, her father called her out and she immediately ran. I think she was a bit scared. Then when I was about to go home, I saw her—tied on a fence with ants’ colony on her feet. She was crying and begging her father to untie her. And I was outside their house, looking and feeling horrible about what I made her do. It was awful.

Mom never reprimanded me. I think Ban Ban’s mother knew what I have been doing to her daughter but she didn’t breathe a word to mom considering they were teaching on the same school. And I believe mom didn’t have the slightest hint what kind cruelty I have been doing to Ban Ban. She saw two kids enjoying each other’s company. But to Ban Ban, it was hell.

After that incident of her father tying her on a fence, that was when I realized how horrible I was to her. And I never really had the time to make things up to her since I transferred to another school. I’d say it did well to her much more than it did to me. After I transferred, I was kind of treated the way that I treated Ban Ban—talking about karma. Then I remembered mom saying that we’re not rich as I always thought. We’re just like everybody else, just more blessed.

I don’t know how it turned out it exactly but Ban Ban and I ended up being real friends after all those things that has happened. She’s super kind and I owe her every kindness in the world. So whenever we see each other, I’d always treat her right and would always accommodate her kindly. I know it’s not enough but I have a lifetime to do that…


  1. I am glad Ban Ban turned out to be good and even more glad of the realization that bullying was a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes but unless you learn from it, the experience becomes pointless!

  2. Jenny, this is a powerful post; I couldn't stop reading it. It's attention grabbing and interesting - good writing! I can see how you've gained insight and learned, and that's all any of us can do.

  3. @Gautam: She's always kind, ban-ban is. I bullied her but well, she's just amazing to be even saying hi to me. :) She's of a kind.

    @Tracy: Thank you Ms. Tracy. Yeah, I mean, kids don't really have a firm grasp on what's right and wrong so children tend to do stupid things. It's really a matter of how parents guide them :)


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