The shortest text-conversation I had yesterday feels like LONGEST one. EVER. I was checking my phone EVERY MINUTE and expecting a longer message than what I have received. Then I asked if he’ll stop/has stopped and I got nothing. Zilt. Not even an “I’m not sure.” But at the back of my mind, I’m saying, “What do you expect? You’ve done it to yourself.”
I read a quote today. A part of it goes like this: You’ll have your heart broken, probably more than once…and it’s harder every time. You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt like when yours was broken (read full quote below). And I can totally relate to that. Perhaps, I pushed it too far. I’ve ignored him for too long. Have I? I just wanted him to make up his mind so that I can too. I need to know if he's stopping so that I can move on, so that I won’t be thinking and waiting what will happen next because honestly, I’m now regretting what I haven’t done before.
I need to keep myself together. Like seriously. I have been blogging about sad stuffs and I know I shouldn’t. But sometimes I just can’t help it. We can’t help it. Especially if no one’s there that you can talk to. Although I’m not sad all day, the sad stuffs are very much highlighted here. I just need to let it all out…
Just today, all my stuffs from the city came—my books, photocopies, gifts, letters, stuffed toys,etc. (never got the chance to get it all since the day after graduation, I immediately left to go home), so most of my afternoon was spent unpacking. You know that feeling when you open some old stuffs in the attic and found the good stuffs in there like the old photos of your friends? I felt that and it was ah-mah-zing! Unfortunately, I found stuffs that made me sad as well. Just to make myself better, I shredded the picture, that graduation picture of a long gone friend and tore the McDonald’s fries packaging. It felt good, somewhat liberating :) Then I reread the letters Kai, Kim, and Kring gave me last Christmas. I even found letters from friends during our retreat! It felt like I’ve seen them during that time I spent reading their letters. :D
ON A BRIGHTER NOTE, some good news was relayed to me. I can’t share it now but hopefully I can in the future. I don’t want to jinx it. But enough about me and all my dramas in life. I want to congratulate my friend Ching Asis for her new found blessing. As I have always told you, be positive! I know you can now attest to what I have been saying about God’s perfect timing. And also, I want to welcome her in blogger---not sure how long she’s been blogging but I’m about to read what she has to say about her recent adventures. :)
As we grow up, we'll learn that even that one person who wasn't supposed to let you down probably will. You'll have your heart broken probably more than once...and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for the things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast and you will eventually lose someone you love. So take pictures, laugh too much and love like you've never been hurt before. Because every 60 seconds you spent upset is a minute of happiness you can't get back. -Unknown