Tuesday, November 29, 2011

When I'm Wasted and Everything is Just Plain Chaotic

I have a confession to make. It's one of those I-don't-really-care-what-you-feel post but I'm going to keep on writing anyway...

I have been in this dilemma since I had that realization almost a month ago. I just feel that my indecisiveness finally caught up with me. Most of you (who's really following my rant-all-you-want blog) knows that the past posts I've been doing are quite confusing. Confusing in a sense that in this one post, I talked about this guy that I like and well, the recent blog post I had (Questions) was really all about Him. Although I didn't stretched it out, I mean, it'll be clear once you read the whole post. But this post is about you. You who knew me so well that you thoughtfully gave me that book one rainy Monday.

Isn't it weird to like someone only when you think about him? But when you actually try to imagine/see that person's pictures, it's like you don't have that same attraction that you feel when you think about him? I'm super stress about this. I don't know why. It seems like I live in this fantasy where everything's okay and perfect and lovely and just plain wonderful, when in reality, it's not. Maybe I'm in-love with the notion of him being with me, me being attracted to him, and us being together... But when face with that reality, I'm not so sure. That's why I don't want to answer you the last time we exchanged sms with each other because I want to be sure, I want to say that this is what I feel, I don't want to be a prisoner in this make-believe world that I created. It would be unfair. And I don't want to see you get hurt. I don't want to see you get hurt MORE.

It's just that when I'm in this troubled state, certain decisions are sometimes uh, altered to fit my current feelings. Okay, so I told you that I will go to this bloody homecoming but I probably will not go. It depends. Not just because you'll be there, but because, MAYBE my family and I will be spending the new year somewhere far. Mars probably or some planet inhabited by aliens, you know, that theory of Stephen Hawking about parallel universes. But just to make things clear - I don't believe him. I still believe that there's a higher power out there. And speaking of that higher power, I still have some readings to do. So...

Goodnight! And see you on my next random post. :)

No comments:

Post a Comment

You might also like:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...