Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Long Gone And Moved On

Yesterday I saw their picture. They're all smiling and they seem happy... I don't know what did it but I clicked the thumbnail which made me cry inside. At first it was nothing. It's just a picture. But then when I scrolled down to read the comments, my heart fell. He's moved on... THAT FAST. I didn't really thought of him as the type who would move on that easily but what do I expect? He pretty much did the same thing when we were in high school.

Just a while ago, I checked their picture. AGAIN. A couple of comments were added and that, for me, was the period sign. A BIG DOT that ends everything. It's PAINFUL and I'm full of regrets but I guess that's what I have to pay for all the awful things I did to him.

I think there's no point for me to linger because I know he wouldn't change his mind. I was really hoping for that moment where he would say, "I'm still gonna wait." But I should have known better. For more than a month, I was being this crazy and indecisive shithead - worrying about him. But what I didn't know was that he already made up his mind. And I reaped what I planted. Hmmm, this whole situation kind of reminded me about the song Long Gone and Moved On by The Script. It's really a good but sad song. You should listen to it. I think I'll be playing that one before I go to sleep tonight. :P

Yes, it is my fault. I'm responsible for all this hurt that I'm feeling right now. But what I don't understand was WHY he practically gave up on me without even asking me first what I WANT. That for me was the most painful thing of all. Yes, I deserve it but I'm just having a hard time ACCEPTING things. If he just asked me then if I want him to leave, I would've have said NO. When we were talking (or rather texting) that time, I had this thinking of asking him to stay. But I know I don't have the right to ask him that, not when he already told me that he can't wait any longer. I was disappointed, true. But I now realized that it was all part of molding me to be a responsible person the next time around. I prayed for Him after we had that conversation, I prayed to the Holy Spirit to give me guidance but nothing. I made the decision myself without asking God first. I asked for guidance AFTER I decided things on my own. And that was my downfall.

All those posts that I've published, all the anguish stories that I've written, all the regrets that I have shouted, I'm now gonna leave it at that. It feels like I have gone through my third break-up without even realizing it. It just hit me right in the face, right when I saw their photo. He's done and I should move on. I should stop this madness. The sooner the better. All should be well...

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