Wednesday, March 7, 2012

When God Says: Yes, Not Yet, and I Have a Better Idea

I never learn. God doesn’t need to prove to anyone that he has the best intention for all of us and yet I still seek proof. I still doubt even though I vowed to trust him. Now I realized that it was all a half-hearted trust. I never trusted him enough. I get impatient, unkind, resentful, and even to the point of questioning if he ever thought of me or if he has plans for me.

I was reading an article to a social site and I came across this article about God saying yes, not yet, and no. And then comments started pouring in and one of them said that God doesn’t really give you an answer of a no. Instead, he’ll make you see how the thing that you’re praying for isn’t for you and would say, “Son, I have better Idea.”

Today, I felt so stupid for not trusting him. I always see him as the generous one. And I used to think that when we pray and he knows that we really need it, he’ll give it to us right then and there. But it’s not always like that. The answers to our prayers are not always a “yes” and a “no”. And that was my mistake. I would assume that when there’s a delay in my prayers, then automatically it’s a no. I never really thought of how good God can be. He’s love is beyond what we could imagine.

I was losing hope. I asked but did not believe. I prayed but did not give my trust. And today, today God gave me this amazing blessing. And I was just so disappointed in myself that I didn’t have the heart to trust him fully. Lesson learned. And when I think about it now, I can say that I was this person who’s always grumpy about everything. I had this thinking of God forgetting me, not helping me when I needed his guidance. I wanted so much to peek at what he’s planning for me that I got impatient. And it was wrong.

Looking Back

Gosh! I was reading a few of my old old old blog posts and I was shocked how hideous they were! It’s full of sadness, mopping around, and basically showing everyone how suicidal I was. Embarrassing, really.

I don’t know how I wrote those things but I sure hell don’t feel the same way I felt before. I was so in love and crazy and everything else that comes with it that I got weirded out after reading just a couple of lines. @.@ It’s cheesy, funny, and just plain idiotic. I was saying in one of the posts that I’ve written that I’ll be forever hurt and I have also predicted that I will still be crying by the time I will reach the age for marriage. I felt sorry for myself for ever thinking that way. I mean, how can you put a closing dot to all the things that’s happening to you when you don’t know what lies ahead? I’m talking nonsense here. So there...

I just remembered what Lexie Grey told one of her patients in season 6 ep 16 of Grey’s Anatomy (I think) and it was the best love advice that I have ever heard. It goes like this: It always feels like there’s just one person in this world to love. And then you find somebody else and it just seems crazy that you were ever worried in the first place. It’s easy to say that you can move on and forget this guy but when you’re in that position, that thought is just so over the other side of the world. But give it a year tops, and you’ll be happy to be out in that relationship. I mean, why would you break up in the first place if there’s nothing wrong in your relationship, right? I’d like to think that God is still molding the person that he’ll give the way he’s molding me. And when we meet, we can worship God together. Sounds extreme for others but this new way of dealing with relationship is doing me good so far. And I know it’ll be for the next years to come. :)

Time is passing really fast and I can’t even remember how painful it was. Just the happy memories retained. And I’m grateful because as time goes on, we are getting mature in every way that's happening, be it big or small. I guess maturity can be motivated by our own spiritual maturity. Did I make that sound okay? I mean, how I see things spiritually really helped me delt with people and events and all other things which made me see things in a different light. It’s a different experience, a better way of viewing things I guess.

As I was reading the 8 posts, approximately, I was laughing and felt so embarrassed with my own self that I was that… uh, hopeless romantic? Eeeee. Geez. It was me writing, the teenager me. Ha! I don’t know. The way I see things is much different than before. Maybe because I’m not in love at this point in time and everything that I wrote before was just so far away. :P And what’s funny is that the things that I have written are now the source of laughter. :D

I’ve come so far from all the bad things. :)

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