When we were in college, the school’s career development center taught us how to make a resume, how to present ourselves and eventually ace that interview and finally be the best that we can be when that moment comes. But they never taught us how to respond to challenges, how to say the right words when you were fed with erroneous ones, what to do when people slash your confidence, when to fight when you don’t even know who got your back, and where to place yourself when you feel that you no longer have the space to fit in.
On October 19, 2012, I’ve been marked. I cried a bucket full of angst. The humiliation was unbearable and the most painful of it was that no one, not one of whom I consider family, rescued me from the abysmal wrath of life. I took it all in as if it was my entire fault and it was okay for me, honestly. But when you heard them deny things in front of everybody just to save their sorry asses off, I completely lost it. Realization hit me: I’m on my own. And no one will share my pain even when I’m screaming for my life under all that shit. Sure they will sympathize… but that’s after I’ve scraped all their garbage. Those people whom they’ve marked as unreliable are the very people who had me at my lowest point. You’ll know who you’re real friends are when things go off the shore. That, as much as it is painful to admit, is and will always be the truth.
Before sex.. you help each other get naked, after sex you only dress yourself. Moral of the story: in life no one helps you once you're fucked. -Anonymous
The core reason why I was at that situation was my fault and I’m not blaming anyone for it. But it’s just hard to accept when I got screwed as well up for a lousy job I didn’t do. How do you trust them when you’ve lost all the respect for them? With no doubt, they are capable, they’re smart, and they’re at the top. But what good will that be when the people below you do not see you as someone to be respected. Or maybe they do respect you. Why? Out of fear? Well that’s a huge slap in the face if it was me.
I’ve invested in every relationship I’m in—romantically, platonically—and so when some hideously unprecedented thing like that happens, you question everything. As if that little act you’ve experienced demolishes all the good things you’ve seen. And you try to wonder, was it all real? Or was it just some bait so that they can serve you in a hot plate, off with your head?
It’s hard to bless the people you see as the reason why you’re miserable. But what to do? I’ve done everything. To do otherwise is unacceptable. The only thing that keeps me going is the reality that this too shall pass, that no one in indispensable, that God is our witness and that sooner or later, reality will catch up with everyone.
In reality, sometimes you dodge the bullet, and sometimes, you have to experience it yourself firsthand. I do not believe that we must experience ALL the downfalls. What’s the use of the experiences from others if we don’t learned from them? Moral lessons are there so that we can relate, follow, and avoid errors if necessary. We don’t have all the luxury in the world to experience all the mistakes. We only have a limited time to be happy and I don’t want to spend half of it crying and or feeling sorry for myself because I didn’t follow the rules of life. Life goes on. And we must too.
Nothing in life makes us grow more than the way we respond to challenges. -MG