Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Christmas 2017

I think most of us, especially Christians, are excited to celebrate Christmas this year. People all over the world have experienced some tragedy in their lives for the past months and Christmas should bring happiness and people together.

I was kind of looking for that Christmas vibe throughout this December (despite the workloads), hoping to celebrate it with some enthusiasm. But this last quarter though, it proved to be challenging emotionally to me personally for some reasons...

One, my brother stopped talking to me and to some of my family members. He shut us out. I felt so frustrated because how can we help him if he is not talking what his problems are. He stopped school as well so he doesn't have an outlet anymore. I hope he sees some sense in his life. I guess it's also my fault because I was mad at him last month for dropping three (3) subjects altogether without telling us. I was expecting him to be more considerate because I told them that I will go to school next year. I will pay my own tuition fees and if they don't graduate on time, my plans wouldn't pushed through (I'm paying for all their expenses). It's just sad that we came to this part. He's depressed. He doesn't talk, doesn't eat that much, and he's just not interacting at all.

The typhoon hit us on a Friday, December 22, 2017. As we were about to go to the office, P and I saw this water slowly increasing. However, since it was not declared that there is a work suspension (it was announced later on), we still went to work. There were just five (5) of us in the office when at 8:02 am, my boss and a colleague texted me that the work is suspended. We are bordering from signal number 2 and 3. Since P works in a private company, their work was not declared suspended. The whole day, Tagum did not rain. The weather looks promising but at 11:00PM (we decorated the office for the holiday season, too late huh?), we couldn't pass through Asuncion. A lot of vehicles stopped and so we decided to just find a place to sleep in the city to rest since it was already 12midnight. At 9:00AM the next day, the other part near the city was the one flooded so we waited for another day for the water to subside. It was almost 7PM when we finally were able to reach our home. Then we learned that the flood claimed a hundred of people or so.

This was the scene as we were about to go to work

Then, as we were roaming the city waiting for the water to be gone, we were informed that one of the major malls in Davao (my second home) was burning. It was heart wrenching because people were trapped inside the mall. It was an establishment every DavaoeƱo know. I also remember fond memories of that place and it breaks my heart to know that my favourite cinema is now gone. More than that though, it brought extreme sadness to all of us who heard and witnessed the news as it unfolds because lives were at stake. Some even jumped from the rooftop just to espace the fire. Others were missing and many presumed they are dead. It is a difficult time as it is but to hear those news just days apart is beyond what people could cope.

Keep strong Mindanaons! 

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Six Months After

Months after experiencing the magic of the Land Down Under and I'm back to where I am. I can't even say I'm back because everything has changed. Everything. I did work, my friends, the people I hang out with, even the usual things I do has changed. It was scary at first, having no one at work that you can talk to about it. And then I got used to things.

The process of fitting in after 14 months was really difficult. You find yourself in the midst of a raging sea of work. There's so much work to be done BTW but you can't seem to find that perfect task that you can work with first. Everybody was in awe at first that I get to experience that but some are not that thrilled anymore (considering there were already four batches ahead of us). I didn't really talk that much because I don't want to drown them in my stories. Stories that for them are so far, so unreal, so..out there. I tried sharing my stories to my sister though. She was interested at first. Then she got bored and would say, "Well, you're not there anymore, you're in the Philippines now." So I shut my mouth and keep all the good things to me. Sometimes I told P some stories but there was no urgency to share things anymore. Only some distant story to tell.

One of the practices that grew on me is the use of the day/month/year format for dates. I didn't really thought about it until my boss said, "I don't like that because it is very 'Australian,' were are here in the Philippines so better follow the format that we generally use. For me it was kind of a slap in the face. It was really a surprise because I haven't thought of it as a big deal and here comes some comment that made me question everything. Not really about her and how we interact with each other but really on how relevant those things are. I felt overly sensitive about it I guess because it was just a few weeks after I came home. Everything's fresh, sad and you miss everything about Australia. I feel like no one really understands me and what I have been going through. It was tough.

Then I just learn to let things go. To just be one of the faces in the crowd. I work, day, night, and even on weekends. I slowly became sad and unmotivated to work. I still do my best but I'm not happy anymore. Maybe this will pass but for now, let me be one of the shadows in the background.

No amount of cheering would cheer me up. Not even the future travels that's in store for me. I feel like I'm a living zombie. That kind of feeling that you walk aimlessly just for the heck of walking because that's what zombies do in movies. Then you fade. Just like that.

I ramble stuff no one would understand but hopefully you're still there. Keep strong (note to self)!


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