Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Six Months After

Months after experiencing the magic of the Land Down Under and I'm back to where I am. I can't even say I'm back because everything has changed. Everything. I did change...my work, my friends, the people I hang out with, even the usual things I do has changed. It was scary at first, having no one at work that you can talk to about it. And then I got used to things.

The process of fitting in after 14 months was really difficult. You find yourself in the midst of a raging sea of work. There's so much work to be done BTW but you can't seem to find that perfect task that you can work with first. Everybody was in awe at first that I get to experience that but some are not that thrilled anymore (considering there were already four batches ahead of us). I didn't really talk that much because I don't want to drown them in my stories. Stories that for them are so far, so unreal, so..out there. I tried sharing my stories to my sister though. She was interested at first. Then she got bored and would say, "Well, you're not there anymore, you're in the Philippines now." So I shut my mouth and keep all the good things to me. Sometimes I told P some stories but there was no urgency to share things anymore. Only some distant story to tell.

One of the practices that grew on me is the use of the day/month/year format for dates. I didn't really thought about it until my boss said, "I don't like that because it is very 'Australian,' were are here in the Philippines so better follow the format that we generally use. For me it was kind of a slap in the face. It was really a surprise because I haven't thought of it as a big deal and here comes some comment that made me question everything. Not really about her and how we interact with each other but really on how relevant those things are. I felt overly sensitive about it I guess because it was just a few weeks after I came home. Everything's fresh, sad and you miss everything about Australia. I feel like no one really understands me and what I have been going through. It was tough.

Then I just learn to let things go. To just be one of the faces in the crowd. I work, day, night, and even on weekends. I slowly became sad and unmotivated to work. I still do my best but I'm not happy anymore. Maybe this will pass but for now, let me be one of the shadows in the background.

No amount of cheering would cheer me up. Not even the future travels that's in store for me. I feel like I'm a living zombie. That kind of feeling that you walk aimlessly just for the heck of walking because that's what zombies do in movies. Then you fade. Just like that.

I ramble stuff no one would understand but hopefully you're still there. Keep strong (note to self)!


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